Tara Star Dancer News   •   December 25, 2020

I woke up thinking about infertility. I’ve been studying Influence and Power with the brilliant Kasia Urbaniak so my thoughts here are combining her teachings plus my studies in Acupuncture, Emotional Alchemy and Witching.

I’m seeing this symptom, infertility, not just as a problem but as an intelligence. Infertility is showing us the brilliance of the female body exposing and externalizing our hidden conditioning. Not just what we’re eating or genetics or environmental pollution, but also the last 50 years of intense cultural shift for western women and how we can make it even better!

For the last 1000 years the best chance women have had to thrive was to marry well. Marrying well has come with the conditioning of being a marriageable girl or The Good Girl. Who is the Good Girl?

The Good Girl

She’s not too smart, not too dull. She doesn’t ask. She makes do with what she is given. She’s pleasant. She doesn’t rock the boat. She’s always sexually available, but only to her sanctioned partner. We’ve been trained to be a Good Girl ever since marriage as a patriarchal line has existed. That’s 20,000 years, give or take, of mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts and uncles, religion, economies, politics, putting pressure on women, putting pressure on YOU, in visible and invisible ways, to be a Good Girl, so you can survive. The roots of this Good Girl conditioning, is love and care. Your mom and your grandmother survived by being Good Girls and so they passed it on to you because they wanted you to survive.

Reading this might start to make you angry and if so, welcome the righteous rage that is bubbling up. Don’t deny this rocket fuel of sexy, sacred, witchy power. There’s space for you to feel rage in this path and transmute it into fuel for your Rich Life. But don’t throw being a Good Girl and marrying well into the garbage.

Marrying well is still the best option for many women around the world. Most women on the planet have limited rights to their bodies, property or finances. Women in the Western world have only recently gone from being property to owning property. Marrying well is still an option for you! It is a legit desire! I married well and my deeply loving marriage is the perfect nest for me to create my rich life. My marriage is an aware partnership and my husband understands and supports us to unravel Good Girl conditioning.

And listen, being a Good Girl is also a legit desire. She’s so adorable! I love being sweet, cultivating harmony and being accommodating. I LOVE baking cookies and serving up nutritious meals! I’m a Good Girl when it is my desire though, not when it’s a habit or I’m being forced to be her. Sometimes it’s popcorn for dinner! The key is to have choice, but you need to see the prison bars, to bend them. Awareness is how we see the bars and witchy fun os how we bend them.

In the last 100 and especially 50 years, which is a tiny speck of our human history, we’ve made tremendous leaps and bounds as women have been literally pushing their way into the workforce and politics.was the best choice available until we’ve been able to get some rights.

So the Good Girl is still there but she has a new face, The Independent Woman. She goes for everything a man can, but she does it alone.

The Independent Woman

The Independent Woman still doesn’t ask. She is tired, burnt out and sees men with less training and experience get better wages and opportunities.

Then when we get our periods, hormones put a magnifying glass on our festering RAGE! But we still have to get shit done, so we stuff this RAGE down, pathologize it as PMS, take pills and push it all down. All the while beating ourselves up for feeling crazy and “irrational”, that we have to keep this CRAZY under wraps so we can function (as men conditioned by the patriarchy function) in the world.

Here we are frustrated, angry and still muzzled. A breeding place for stagnation, frustration, tightness that is first hot and then turns cold.

Our bodies house organs. They are the deities in our body temple theater. The stars of the current play are:

Sounds infertile to me. There is no pill for cultural change. There is no pill to create a new paradigm. Infertility and the other diseases related to our cultural conditioning currently plaguing us won’t be cured with only with a pill. Or even an organic diet or positive thinking.

Culture needs to change. We need a new normal.

We need to find the ways to express our deep, dark voices to clear the charge. Dance them out. Sing them. Scream them. Write them. As well as places that can hold our bliss and ecstasy! So that the life force has more access to us individually and in groups. And as women we need to ask. To play with asking. Get our juices flowing. Web weave. Any kind of ask. Practical. Outrageous. Vengeful. Flirtatious.

Create an asking practice – 10 asks a day and write them down.

Start with. “I could ask ________ for a PINK pony.”

And see where the ride takes you. Healing is wild!